1. |
Baby For the First Time
04:55
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Oh, I don’t think you noticed what you just said
The words fell out like marbles from your hands
Small and warm, a child of seven
When the curtain’s drawn and everything goes wrong
You say I’ve always stood upon this this place
A tough yet brittle foundation of slate
You crawled into my pit and faced
The fragments of a home, smashed, wrecked, and gone
I came to you a dancing charm
Surprised, you held open your arms
My defenses all had been disarmed
How did you do that?
I might have missed it if I’d turned my head
Blood pounding from the pressure of my knees upon the bed
Now we know, we are exposed
To a closeness feels an awful lot like home
I find i’m relieved of my shame
The weight I carry isn’t pain
All that’s come will pass away
And come again
But nothing moves you, nothing wounds you
Nothing shakes and shoots right through you
Nothing makes your thoughts come alive
With those sick obsessive glances
And the whirling, what-if chances
Like when he calls you baby
For the first time
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2. |
A Misunderstanding
01:52
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I know you love me but today you don’t like me
I did something wasn’t very enticing
You don’t care, you don’t care
I look upon you with my demon eyes
I’m only asking you to be nice
Don’t run away, don’t run away
If i cry all night
There’s an ocean between what i say and what i mean
Don’t talk to me just touch me
This is about to get ugly
If I’m being honest I’m only mad at myself
Cut away the problems til I’m the only one left
Project it onto others and it’s not enough, it’s not enough
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3. |
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Palms pressing on the wheel
I’m not gonna deal
Not when it’s hot outside, avoid my mind
In or out baby, I’m going for a drive
Snacks? Check. Seats wet
AC’s broken so we’re all gonna sweat
Tire’s flat, boyfriend’s mad
Pop up the trunk look for a patch
There’s a fill station around the corner
Only 5 miles up the road
You can bet we get no bars here
So off we stroll to the world’s last payphone
Dial-click- off-switch
Anxiety’s pumping left eye twitch
Sister said “just use your head”
Search for quarters - lost crumbs in the bed
Sweet blue dreamy scene
Stranded and helpless but quite serene
Do they even employ operators anymore?
Movie screens curve my perception
Out of options, all we have left are jokes
We live here now at the world’s last payphone
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4. |
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A safe and stable timeline Feels like something’s in my eye
I guess that’s why I make all my mistakes twice
When i get too happy It kinda makes me want to die
I’m not supposed to have this only fear and anxious pride
But with my hand on your shoulder
And yours on my thigh
I can’t help but think everything is alright
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5. |
secrets
02:18
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6. |
Memory Beach
02:27
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Sweat and heat, sticky to my feet
choosing every day to be happy
touching hands in the back seat
I want you and you want me
keep heading south til we burrow down
into the plasticine scene
moving with the carnal clay, colors blending
crayons on a hot plate
we'll come again
back to the shore of our remembering
when life gets hard
and love's a choice we have to make every day
we'll meet again
on the shore of our remembering
where the worst things crash louder than the rest
but when I catch your eye
and you touch my hand
I love you and you love me
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7. |
Clean it Out
01:43
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8. |
h e l l s c a p e
04:49
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long ago i stopped collecting things
overbearing scrutiny
complete and ardent apathy
collection of dust in the crawlspace
let me lie there til it's passed
wrapped in the soft filth and choking
the burning means it's working
don't wanna be remembered for the time I spent in hell
I wish that you could see me as yourself
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9. |
House of Blue
04:48
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As I sit here and ache, chipping off flecks of paint
I think about all of the things i wish i could say
But they’d fall on dead ears, even if you were here
‘cause you were never close even when you were near
I guess that’s the reason I’ve stayed quiet all along
I only share remembrances in song
He was a rocker, a sensitive stranger
Emotionally unavailable energy taker
She made a wrong move, she wanted to save him
But the walls that he had built were the only ones he felt safe in
The work make her crazed with selfless animation
If she’d only turned it inward who knows how i would have been
We sat together like stones, water rushing over our heads
Until i pulled myself loose from the muck of the riverbed
I’ll never go there again, to see you moss-covered and small
The dark sullen man who once stood above it all
My siblings and I paid the price of her patience
She had to go and die before I ever could say this
There was no funeral, no prayer of remembrance
Just a plastic bag of ashes on a beach in the high wind
We sang and we cried, laughed into each others faces
Yeah she gave us life, but her wisdom is failing
We all borrow songs and our stories may align
Writing a facsimile of a simpler time
But nothing is simple and songs belong to no one
It’s your job to share about the damage that you’ve done
When you leave it behind, I hope that you don’t become
A bitter old line in somebody else’s song
We sat together like stones, water rushing over our heads
Until i pulled myself loose from the muck of the riverbed
Wish i could see you again, the way i remember you were
A beacon of love and light, not a drunken crying blur
Set off with no plan, dear Eric and Anne
You gave us all you could but it ain’t worth a damn
It wasn’t enough, I needed all of your love
So much for taking cues from the lord up above
If i could say one more thing, well I guess I forgive ya
But that’s all there is, I don’t have nothing else for ya
We sat together like stones, water rushing over our heads
Until i pulled myself loose from the muck of the riverbed
I guess I didn’t quite mind being stuck with all of you
My sweet undying love for the children of the house of blue
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10. |
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11. |
how to be alone
04:46
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12. |
Love Loud
03:51
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I asked you
To let me in
You cleared the way
So we could begin
You took down my number
You showed me your world
You made me feel
Like I was only a girl
We clung to each other
For comfort and warmth
Rather than facing
Life’s cold bitter storm
I was still adjusting
To life all alone
I nestled into you
And made you my home
But the drugs and the drinking
Are bringing me down
I want to be open
I want to love loud
I’m tired of feeling
Like I’m just half alive
Well I guess maybe sober
Is now the new high
I asked you
To let me in
I hope you don’t regret it
Our time in the spin
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